Environment < Hospitable

What are some of the things you don’t want your MIL to encounter when she and her mother pop in for a visit?  Pretty much everything mine encountered when she came over today for lunch.

My house was a wreck aside from the living room, which I had straightened up in about 30 seconds after she called and told me she was coming.

The laundry was piled in the laundry room and scattered outwardly in a 3 mile radius.  This means overflow into the kitchen, overflow into the hallway, and then onto my bedroom.  I swear it exploded while they were en route!

The dirty dishes in the kitchen sink were overflowing onto the counter tops.  I thought I could quickly throw them all in the dishwasher, but to my dismay, the dishwasher was full of clean dishes (why empty it when you can just reach in and get what you need).  Crap.

After leaving the “farm” last night the 3 guys tracked mud from the front door through the rest of the house.  Yeah, I guess I could’ve swept last night after everybody was in bed, but I wanted to make a point, dammit.  How hard would it be just to take your shoes off before entering?  Obviously, way too friggin difficult.  When I was planning on making a point I was not planning on visitors, needless to say.

They had to wait for their coffee.  For the first time in probably 5 years I didn’t make coffee the moment I got out of bed.  To me this is unacceptable.  I don’t mean to not have coffee waiting for unexpected visitors, but I am a raving lunatic until I get my fix.  So I was a bit frazzled when they arrived.

The MIL brought the fixings to make PB&J’s for everybody (like I don’t keep that shit stocked in bulk quantities).   Well, good thing, because when she pulled out my bread (clueless as to why since she brought her own) it was ALL moldy.  How do you explain moldy bread to your MIL?  Why was it moldy anyway?  I bought it like 3 days ago!  I suppose the bread decided to mold at a high rate of speed for the purpose of my mortification.

This is off point, but I have to tell you,  the MIL’s mom’s sandwich consisted of peanut butter, mayo, and bread & butter pickles.  I’ve heard of some weird sandwich combos, but that one takes the cake.

While she’s working to make sandwiches, she is gradually noticing the mystery smell which resembles that of a dead rotting corpse .  You can see her crinkling her nose and wondering.  She goes to open the fridge and BAM.  Mystery solved.  Tim had taken some chicken and salmon out of the freezer to put on the grill.  The barbecue got cancelled and we decided at some point we would just make it for ourselves.  That was over a week ago folks.  I’m not saying there were maggots or anything but the odor was formidable.  I asked Tim yesterday to get rid of it (I have a fear of less than fresh chicken, story for another day) and he “forgot”.   It was promptly done away with because Tim was here for lunch.  He got a whiff, too.

And last but most definitely not least, the oldest boy randomly decides he needs to make an announcement.  ”Grammy!  Mom locked us out of the house when we were playing in the back yard.  She was trying to wash the dishes.  I peed in the grass!”  I soooo did not.  For some reason they couldn’t get the door open whilst I was up to my elbows in smelly dishes.    They were in my line of sight-view from sink: out back door. No harm in making them wait for a minute, right?  WRONG.   Kids say the darndest things!  I got the look from the MIL, then went to explaining.  The look didn’t go away.

My MIL surely does not expect me to be Miss Suzy Homemaker, but that was excruciating.

Unless you’ve seen me naked (a.k.a. at my worst), give me at least an hour’s notice or you might have a less than hospitable environment waiting for you.

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