A Gullet Wrenching Tale

Have you ever had a popcorn kernel stuck in your teeth? My guess would be you’re nodding your head.

Next question: Have you ever had one lodge itself in your gullet? If you’re nodding to this one, please let me know.

The following is a true story.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved her some Orville. One day, she decided that she wanted nothing more than to sit down with her parents, watch a movie and have some scrumptious popcorn. So off to the microwave she went.

The movie was lovely, the company she kept was divine, and the popcorn was total satisfaction in neat little puffy yellow cloud shaped goodness. It was quite the magical evening, if she did say so herself.

Somewhere toward the final throes of the movie and the bottom of the popcorn bowl, the girl noticed the strangest of tickling sensations in the recesses of her butter and salt soaked gullet. So she coughed. Then she coughed some more. She coughed and coughed and hacked and gagged until tears were streaming down her face. At some point amidst the chaos and being beaten between the shoulder blades by her most helpful and compassionate mother, she noticed that the back of her tongue, where it connected to her gullet, was making contact with a very small foreign object.

The girl rushed to the mirror to see what the trouble was, but lo and behold, she could not see that well due to the blurry vision brought on by the gagging and tears. Between coughs she asked her mother to look down her gullet. When her mother managed to acquire the desired amount of lighting and the proper head angle, she was taken aback at what she found there. In her sweet daughter’s gullet lie a hideously sharp and oh so slimey sliver of a popcorn kernel.

They tried everything they could think of to dislodge the unwelcome food particle, but everything they did was an utter failure. After the girl had consumed a large quantity of water and suffered through many attempts with a butter knife, all while choking uncontrollably, she decided that since the two of them were fairly educated individuals, surely they could come up with some way to solve this problem. So she pondered…and hacked.

In the blink of an eye the mother came alight with the glow of a sudden epiphany. She sprang from her stoop and hurriedly retrieved a shiny and intimidating pair of tweezers from her cosmetic arsenal. She told the girl that in order for her plan to be successful she would have to remain very still and do her best not to cough. The girl looked at her as if she had completely gone off the deep end, but agreed to give it a shot, considering her lack of a better, less frightening solution.

After much thrashing, spewing, name calling and gnashing of teeth, the corn abomination sat between the tongs of the tweezers with a melancholy look about it, for it had not gotten the best of the brilliant women who had beaten it or the gullet that it had claimed. The girls mother was feeling quite good about herself and took her leave.

The girl then quietly took the offending kernel and a piece of scotch tape to her room where she hastily taped the tiny monster into her journal. It was dated and recorded, so that all who came after would know of the dangers of microwaved vegetables, and she lived with a sore gullet for a while and a new awareness ever after.

The End

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I am so proud to participate in the first ever Word Up, Yo! Seriously, you should go check it out, because it was boatloads of fun and quite challenging. And who doesn’t love a good challenge once in a while, right?  So thanks go out to the ladies of the Nerd Mafia (Natalie at Mommy of a Monster, Kristin at Taming Insanity and Liz at a belle, a bean and a chicago dog) for offering up such a fun and creative new adventure for us.

Since the Blog Hop thingy won’t work here, click on any of those ladies’ links and join in.

Get Hoppin!

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